Last post

I am going to stop writing this blog and only continue to write in my family blog. This blog was just for my pregnancy and now that I'm officially done being pregnant forever I'm only going to keep up with one!

Hospital stay

This is a picture of Leah in her isolette - she's glowing blue from the bili-lights. She had an IV and to wear the glasses to protect her eyes.

We ended up having to put the girls back in the hospital Tuesday evening. We went to the pediatrician for a visit and had to have blood taken for bilirubin levels and they were extremely elevated so the girls were admitted to LGH for two nights to bring them down. It was one of the most awful experiences of my life. I literally didn't sleep the first night at all trying to take care of my girls who were trapped in the isolettes. I don't have much time to write but we're back home now and trying to get settled...we never got settled the first time we were home. I'll write more when time allows.

They're here!!

Please welcome

Madeline Avery : Friday November 14th at 11:43 pm

and

Leah Michelle : Saturday November 15th at 12:40am

Two different birthdays!!

I'll post pictures soon!

Friday

I go back to the doctor this afternoon. I really don't want to go and am still a little confused as to why they want me to come in. I think it's mostly because of my contractions yesterday being 4 minutes apart and they want to make sure that I'm not dilating "quietly". I did everything possible last night and now this morning to try to make things progress. I'm getting ready to sit on the ball again and then push the kids in the double stroller for a little walk.
Grace told me this morning that she's sick of waiting for the babies to come. lol...me too Grace, me too! Then she stuck a ball up her shirt and waddled around pretending to be me. ;)

yet again

I went back to the doctor today. That makes it the second time this week. I'm still 3cm dilated. I was only supposed to have a regular appointment today but the doctor sent me over for an NST since he could feel that I was contracting. Sure enough they were every 4 minutes like clockwork, however the "shape" of the contraction wasn't regular so they sent me home. Grrr...I'm not too pleased about that. AND now they want me back in tomorrow afternoon to see if my cervix has changed any since one more centimeter and they won't send me home....I just have to get to 4. I'm doing everything known to man to try to get to 4. Only time will tell.

Matt goes back to work tomorrow - over 2 hours from the hospital. I'm scared yet again and going to be anxious every second that he's away. Thank goodness for Molly being local this weekend. She will be my saving grace if I need a ride to the hospital since the kids will be with my Mom. Here's to hoping that if I end up going into labor this weekend that it's after Matt comes home at 6pm...then I have from 6pm until 3:30am when he leaves to go into labor!!!

1st trimester all over again

I can't believe that I feel like this again...it's like I'm in the 1st trimester again. I have "morning sickness" all day, and am extremely tired all the time. Matt starts work again on Friday so for the next two days we're going to try to get labor started any way we can! I took a walk last night and it increased my contractions but not enough. I just need my water to break!! We are going to go to the park today - the kids will like it...we'll just have to bundle up! Maybe I can swing a baby out! Just kidding! I'm also going to clean clean clean as much as I can. I don't want to do so much that I'm even more exhausted than usual but we want so much to meet these two little ladies!!

now

I'm 3cm dilated. They won't do anything to help me along until 38 weeks. That's two weeks from now. The thought of being pregnant for two more weeks makes me want to throw up. Grace and Evan were born at 38 weeks exactly and were 8lbs3oz and 8lbs13oz. Lovely.

Sleep

I didn't sleep last night at all. It was a combination of the usual issues with being uncomfortable and having contractions all night and anxiety about my doctor appointment today. I'm beginning to dread nights. They seem so long since I cannot sleep. And I know that when the babies get here I won't be sleeping for other reasons so it makes me mad that I can't even "rest up" for delivery and having two newborns. I get to talk to yet another doctor today about vaginal v. c-section today - I hope I don't flip out about what she has to say.... I'll post later after my appointment.

Doctor

I go to the doctor tomorrow...I so much want them to just send me to L&D and tell me that it's baby time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh babies....

I'm 36 weeks pregnant today!! I am so happy that I made it this far....just not happy to be pregnant and uncomfortable if that makes any sense!! Nothing much to report. Still contracting all the time but it's not doing much. Here's to praying and hoping and wishing that these girls come within the next few days!

One more

One more day until I'm 36 weeks. I think this is the hardest day I've had yet. I got scared last night of being here alone with Matt so far away and packed everyone up and took the to my Mom & Dad's. Of course nothing happened. I was contracting every 6 minutes consistentely for hours and then all of the sudden it just stopped. I'm now back to every 8-10 minutes but it's just not doing much. The babies are hardly moving, I think because there really is NO more room. Some people have said that my belly looks smaller, and I guess I agree but only because it's not sticking so far out to the front now, it's sagging under the tremendous amount of weight now - oh how glorious I'm going to look when this is over! I'm going to need a Granny girdle.
I don't have another doctor's appointment until Tuesday which I'm looking forward to and dreading at the same time. If my cervix isn't changed any from my last appointment I'm going to have a nervous breakdown I think and just end up scheduling a c-section so I have a difinitive end in sight. Just another happy post from me.

Beyond...

I'm beyond frustrated and a little angry at this point. I had a doctor visit yesterday and she asked if both babies were head down and I said no - that baby b was breech. And then she asked why I hadn't scheduled my c-section yet?! She went on to say that not all doctors will deliver when one baby is breech and that if I have my hopes on the select few doctors that WILL do it then I'm basically setting myself up for disappointment. What the HELL? Why can't anyone in this practice get their sh*t together? This is "supposed" to be THE ob/gyn practice in the area with the best hospital for maternity care...why can't anyone get it together? I guess I get to talk to yet another doctor about it on Tuesday. I'm just ready for this to be over. I know, I know, EVERYONE keeps telling me, "you spent all that time trying to keep them in and now you want them out??!!!" YES - I want them OUT! I cannot sleep, I cannot eat, I can't really walk around because I start to swell so bad that my feet turn purple and it feels like I'm walking on pins and needles. I want two healthy girls and to never ever see W&B hospital again.

Oh yea--and besides the not eating, sleeping or being able to do much - my mood is in the toilet if you can't tell!!

happy, sad, frustrated.....grrrr

I don't feel much like typing out the whole thing---I will tomorrow. However, I'm not in active labor now. I didn't think that I was. On Monday I was told that I would need a c-section unless baby B flipped to head down. I went into the office to make sure I wasn't in Labor enough where they would want me to have a c-section. Welp - I don't NEED to have a c-section according to the doctor I saw today. I can totally try to deliver vaginally. I'm thrilled about the prospect of trying. However I'm so frustrated that no one tells me the same thing...I'm constantly confused.
On the up side, both babies look great AND I'm officially allowed off of my medicine AND off of bedrest but still told to take it easy and save energy.
I'll post more tomorrow.

Early Labor??

I am showing some signs of early labor last night and now today. It could mean anything from having the babies today to not for a week. We will see. It does seem like things are 'progressing'. I'm showing most of the 'yucky' signs of early labor which with Grace and Evan that meant I have them within 24 hours. Who knows at this point. I just either want it to be "it" or "not". I hate being in limbo which is where I've been for 5 weeks now. Ug. And to make matters a little worse, Matt is working a training day today so he's in NJ! Nice.

worries

My worries about a c-section are numerous. One of which is nursing. From what I've read and heard from other multiple c-section Moms is that it's harder to establish nursing after a c/s because tandem nursing is painful with the incision and you need to try to start that while you're in the hospital because you need the help of the lactation consultants with how to juggle both babies and have them both latch on and stay latched on. Sometimes your milk doesn't come in soon enough after a c/s since a lot of Mom's have the babies early and the milk is delayed which then means you have to supplement with formula in the beginning and that opens up a whole different issue.
Another worry is how am I supposed to care for TWO newborns and the two babies I already have while recovering from the c/s AND from this pregnancy? Even if I had a vaginal delivery I think the recovery would be difficult, my body is in shambles right now. I won't go there.
The last thing is that I want to nurse the girls while I'm in recovery so that the stupid nurses don't give them formula in the nursery while I'm in the recovery room and I don't think that they allow that at W&B hospital.

MFM appointment and disappointment

I'm not much in the mood for talking so this is going to be short and to the point. Baby A (Madeline) is about 5lbs 4oz and Baby B (Leah) is about 5lbs 8oz which are right on for where singletons would be. There has been no growth slow down like most often times happens with twins. They both look really healthy and the MFM doctor said that if they were born today they most likely would go to the regular nursery and need no NICU! We are super pumped about that! The disappointment comes in that for weeks now the babies have both been head down, perfect for a vaginal delivery. Now baby B is head up...really far up in my rib cage far up. The chances of her turning head down are slim to none which means I will have to have a c-section. I am beyond disappointed and pissed. The earliest my OB will schedule me is the 19th. WTF??? I can't even go into what is wrong with this. Maybe tomorrow. I'm just trying to wrap my head around the fact that the recovery from a twin c-section sucks from what people say. There are more issues than with a singleton c-section. Like I said, I won't even get into it right now. Too emotional.

almost 35....

I cannot believe that I'm a day away from being 35 weeks pregnant. I never, ever thought I would make it this far. I'm so proud of myself and of Matt. It's been really hard on both of us. Not to mention how hard it's been on the kids. I can't begin to thank everyone that's helped us over the last 5 weeks, my parents, Debbi and Rob, my Grandmother, Chris and Hannah. I know I wouldn't have lasted this long if it wasn't for them.
I have to say that I'm thrilled to have made it this far but totally ready to be not pregnant. Every day is more and more difficult. I know that there is a lot contributing to this like, this being my 3rd pregnancy, how close my pregnancies have been, that I'm a small person to begin with and carrying this much baby is just getting really hard...also my medicine to stop the contractions is messing with me still. I am getting "morning sickness" issues back, horrible indigestion and reflux... I'm just ready to move on to the next step. I am waiting to see what the doctor tomorrow think about the babies overall health if they were to be born in the next few days. Twins are full term at 36 weeks so that's comforting. I just want them to come if they're ready before Friday night, when Matt goes back on night shift, or wait until the following Tuesday when he's done that shift. As I've said before, I hate it that he's so far away when he's working.

34w5d

I'm so uncomfortable. Since last night I've been cramping and contracting but not enough to call the doctor. I am ready to be done. So ready to be done. I don't think I can take much more of this, physically and emotionally. I'm ready to have a breakdown. I hope that the doctor on Monday gives us encouraging news. I want two big healthy girls and to be told that I can go off of my medicine. I want to be excited about going into labor, not scared to death like I am now. I so much want that moment with the girls right after they're born. I want to be able to hold them both and not have them taken from me to the NICU. It's all still so scary to me and I just want to feel happy and excited. When can I feel that way??

time

I hate all of the time I have to just sit and think. It's been 5 whole long weeks of bedrest. Last night I barely slept a half an hour at a time so I had way too much time to think and let my mind wander. I worry about my ultrasound on Monday. Will they both be a good weight? Is one of the babies weight now drastically different than the other? Will there be the dreaded 25% weight difference between them that will force me to have a csection if Baby A is the smaller one? What if my fluid level is too low? I seriously could go on and on for about 3 pages about all of the things that go through my head.
Our ultrasound is at 12:45 on Monday so the morning is going to drag by so slowly. I think we're going to see if my Dad will ride with us and hang out with the kids while we both go to the appointment. The kids can wath a movie in the car and have a snack while we're inside. Hopefully we won't be too long.
Can you tell I get more crazy by the day?

Just bitching

Nothing really to report except for misery! lol I'm so sore, cannot sleep, can hardly get up from sitting or standing and now I'm getting sick. Grace is sick, Evan is sick, Matt is on his way he says, and I'm sneezing up a storm and just feel yucky. I need selfish prayers that I don't get really sick. I'm trying to not think about it since there's nothing I can do about it but my goodness, could there BE a worse time for me to be sick? I'm days away from trying to deliver two babies vaginally and now I'm going to get sick? What kind of cruel joke is that??? My body is already screaming and now this. UGggg.

I know, I know...bitch bitch bitch. I can't help it. I'm miserable and just feel like my breaking point is nearing.

THRILLED!

I had a grrreat doctor's appointment today! My NST was so fast, the girls both cooperated and stayed close enough to the monitors but still have the accelerations that they wanted to see and no decels when I was having a contraction! Then I saw the doctor and everything was fine with the exception of my pulse being sky high but that's because of the medicine that I'm on. I should be off of it on Wednesday of next week, yea!! I had my cervix checked and it hasn't changed!!!! I'm still a 2! She wasn't sure of the effacement since she didn't want to be too 'rough' and stir anything up! But I am beyond happy. I am so excited for my doctor appointment on Monday at Maternal Fetal Medicine for the ultrasound...we'll get to see how big these girls are. The doctor seems to think that they're pretty big judging my how much my belly is growing!! I hope so!
Yea for us! I'm just so happy! Hang in there girls--we just have to make it past next Tuesday morning so that I can make sure I vote!!! lol

GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :/

Grace and Evan woke up sick today. They both have colds. I'm so frustrated! I cannot be sick. Not right now. For many reasons. First, I'm miserable and uncomfortable ALL the time anyway and cannot sleep so adding being sick to it is just going to make things so much worse. Second, If I end up having these babies in the next few days and am sick, I cannot get two preemies sick. And they won't let anyone with even a cold into the NICU and for good reason. Sooo I won't get to see my babies except through the glass if that should happen. I'm trying not to be overly dramatic about it but it's just hard when all I still have to do is sit/lay in my room and think about things since I am sick of reading, tv stinks, and now don't even have the kids to cuddle with since I want to try to keep my distance from them a little bit even though I think the 'damage' might already be done since I share everything with them and probably already have whatever they have it just hasn't shown up yet.
Uggg...hopefully they'll get over it quickly. Maybe I'll avoid it....who knows.

A little relief

I am relieved today. We made it to 34 weeks. There are some babies that are born at this point that are healthy enough to go home with Mom and Dad right away. The girls have had their steroids for lung development so I am a little relieved. That said, I don't want them to come just yet...but I'm proud of myself none the less. I really really really wish that we had our MFM appointment this week but it's only a week away and hopefully this week will go by quickly. Today we're finishing up preparing our bedroom for the twins. It's going to be a little cramped in here with a full-size crib in here but we think it's the best idea. If we used the co-sleeper we would only be able to use it for a few weeks since the weight limit is 15lbs. There's a chance I still might want it for as long as we can use it just because the girls will be nursing so much in those first few weeks and I'm not looking forward to climbing out of bed every time I need to feed them! It's so nice to just reach over and pull them into bed with me like I did with Grace and Evan.

We are both getting more excited instead of just scared about delivery. We didn't want to go into the hospital for delivery knowing that our girls would be whisked away from us immediately. Now we're nearing a stage that that may not happen. I have to say that it is getting harder to me to stay laying down and sitting still but so far I'm resisting the urge! I'm waiting to see what the doctor tells me on Wednesday morning. I'm praying for a great NST and no further dilation/effacement.

Waiting for Wednesday

I have been feeling as ok as I think that I can right now. I just have the normal back pain, pain when I'm walking, swelling, cramping and stretching in my belly, and other pregnancy discomforts magnified by two!
My contractions are breaking through 3 hours into my medicine now and are much more painful. I can't imagine that I'm not dilated any more.
I have an appointment on Wednesday for another NST and regular OB appointment where I'll have my cervix checked for changes. I'm really nervous about this. I want to keep hanging on to these babies on one hand, and on the other hand I'm nervous about being sent home to "hang on" with further cervical change. I don't want to have these babies at home, in the car or want Matt to miss their births! I hate it that he's 2 hours from the hospital when he's at work! It makes me so nervous!
I'm packing up the rest of my maternity clothes today and tomorrow since none of them fit me. If anyone reading this needs anything I have small, medium and large clothes from Motherhood, Gap, Mimi Maternity and Old Navy. There are some really nice things that I'm going to try to sell since they're like new.

33 week doctor appointment

I'm happy and disappointed at the same time with my appointment today. I'm happy because the NST showed the girls look good and reactive, even though it took us an hour and a half to get good strips on both of them since they were moving all over the place. The disappointment comes because the doctor didn't check my cervix. Now - for those of you that have ever been pregnant and had this done, it's NOT pleasant but I've been having painful contractions and lots of pressure. She said that she didn't want to disturb anything, and I can respect that. I would just like to know if all of this bed rest and having people come do everything that I should be doing is doing any good! My belly is measuring 7 weeks past full term for a single baby. Ugg...I'm enormous. We're having friends over this weekend and I don't even want them to see me because I'm just gigantic! But I'm so looking forward to the company and a fun evening! I did ask the doctor about going out to get my haircut and to a local restaurant and she said it should be fine as long as I "save up" my sitting up time and come back and lay down as soon as possible. Thank goodness! I NEED to leave the house! I get to go get a haircut on Saturday morning, I cannot wait!
I'm in a lot of pain today. The babies are pushing down so hard I'm having trouble finding a half comfy position. I'm just depressed today I guess. I know that I'm doing the best I can for the babies its just getting really hard. It will have been one month since I was first admitted to the hospital this Saturday and I'm just antsy to get on with the next step...labor and delivery...and then on with the rest of our lives with 4 kids!!! The doctor tried to cheer me up by telling me that they won't let me be pregnant past 37 weeks so at the very most I'll only be pregnant for 4 more weeks. Um..not comforting. I want these babies to come naturally anytime between 35 and 37 weeks. Both are still head down so as for this moment I still have the possibility of a vaginal delivery...but you just never know. I'm really looking forward to Nov 3 and my next appointment at MFM so I can see how big these kids are. I'm really hoping to fast forward time by two weeks.....If anyone can help with that -- please do.

Don't I wish!! :)

I saw this first cartoon and thought, OMG - I wish that was possible, just for a little bit. I need a comfortable hour of sleep!!! That's all I ask, one hour of real rest. lol. I'm again anxious for my doctor appointment tomorrow and NST. I don't know if I will be checked for cervical change or not, on one hand I hope so, on the other I hope not.

Last night I thought was 'the' night. I was contracting sooo much, it just wouldn't let up but after a lot of water, laying down and finally a warm shower they calmed down a little bit but I was a bit worried! Not yet ladies...stay put at least until next week!

I am totally "nesting" now and it's KILLING me!! I want so much to just go around and clean anything and everything! I want to wash baby clothes and organize everything but can't!! I don't even have my hospital bag packed. I just ordered our new camera yesterday and need it to come before the babies do since our old camera only works part of the time! I'm still a little in denial I think that these kids can come at any second. Literally. I pray I make it to the hospital when they decide it's time!

trying so hard

I have been following the progress of twins that were born at 32 weeks and it has given me a little extra drive to stay pregnant until 36 weeks. The babies are adorable but it breaks my heart to read her blog and hear her talk about how she sobs every time she has to leave the babies in the hospital and go home without them. I really feel like that would break me. I don't know how she's doing it. I really don't. I had another visit to the hospital yesterday...I don't have the energy to get into right now but everything turned out well after a big scare and yet more drugs and a shot.
I will be 33 weeks this coming week. Only 3 more weeks. I can do it. I pray I can.

stressed

The stress of everything is really getting to me. I'm feeling depressed and just stressed to my limit. I know that it's not good for me or the babies so I'm trying to keep myself occupied and not think about things too much. There is part of me that feels like it would be better for these girls to be on the outside. I hate taking medication while I'm pregnant and I'm on a ton. I take a heavy dose of brethine/terbutaline for contractions, macrobid for yet another UTI thanks to my bladder being smushed into several different pockets, I was on procardia, tums for reflux and some calcium, and something else that I can't even think of right now. Oh - and steriod shots to help their lung development since they might be born early. Now I can't shake the uneasy feeling of something being wrong with one or both of the girls because of the NST yesterday. It scared me so much. What if something happens to one of them? Or both of them? What if there were warning signs that I didn't see? It's so hard to do the kick counts because I can't really be sure which baby is which when they're moving. Both of their feet kind of meet in the top of my stomach so it's hard to tell which kiddo is which. Can you tell that bedrest is making me crazy??!! Too much time to think added to the fact that the brethine makes me anxious. I feel like I'm losing it. Uggg....now all of the blog readers are going to think I'm going crazy. I probably am.

7 hour doctor appointment

I went to my regular scheduled doctor appointment yesterday for my NST and check-up. The girls were all over the place so we spent a long time trying to get good strips on the girls heart rates on the NST. We finally got a good 20 minute strip and I thought everything was going ok. Then the doctor visit told me otherwise. Baby B, Leah, was having variables or dips in her heart rate so I needed to be kept for 4 hours in L&D to monitor her heart rate. Then the doctor did another ffn test and checked on my dilation. I'm not much more dilated, I was 1-2 before and I'm just about 2 now however I'm much more thinned out, about 80%. I'm so scared. I went to L&D and Leah's heart rate looked ok, then Madeline was having dips in her heart rate when I would contract. I was contracting about every 12 minutes or so. I was finally about to go home when they were satisfied with the girls on the NST and when they got the results of the ffn test as negative. That's pretty much the only positive things that came out of yesterday, the negative ffn test. It says that I "shouldn't" go into labor in the next 2 weeks. But when I asked the dr about it he said that at this point I should be more concerned with my water breaking from pressure and a thin cervix not supporting it well....I'm just scared. It's still way too early for these girls to come. So I'm home again on strict bed rest, 5 minute showers and lay ALL day so there isn't any pressure on my cervix. Debbi and Rob were supposed to come down this weekend to help with the kids but Debbi is sick so they won't be down. I don't know what we're going to do now. I have never been so upset, scared and stressed. Most of the stress comes from trying to coordinate childcare for the kids with Matt's schedule at work. He cannot take any more time off so that's not even an option. I don't know. I just don't know.

Twin Baby Belly!

32 week twin baby belly...I really can't believe that I posted the one that shows the glorious stretch marks but hey...I guess I'll try to take the attitude of "I earned them"...what else can I do?

anxious

I have another NST and doctor appointment tomorrow afternoon. I'm scared and anxious as usual. I'll be 32 weeks (according to this doctor's office) tomorrow. It's the first milestone they wanted me to hit so that is one good thing. However, I know someone (well, I know them online since she lives in Alabama) that just had her twin boys two nights ago at 32 weeks 4 days and they are in the NICU hooked up to all sorts of breathing machines, feeding tubes and other various wires. That scares the living crap out of me.

I've been having contractions last night and today. Probably b/c I overdid it the last two days with being home alone with the kids during the day while Matt finished up night shift. Today I'm just trying to gauge how bad the contractions are, am I dehydrated...they seem to have slowed this afternoon but I'm afraid that I'm dilated/thinned out more. I'm going to ask to get a FFN test tomorrow.

pregnant and b*tchy

I hate Jon and Kate plus 8. If I hear one more person say, "Just be thankful that you're not like them." I'm going to scream. Yes, we are going to have half the children that they do. However...we will not have people coming over to do EVERYTHING for us and with us. They have a chef now, someone to fold their laundry, watch their kids while Kate grocery shops, they take at least 4 helpers on vacation with them. Don't even get me started on all of the free things that they have been given...Kate's tummy tuck, Jon's hair plugs, outings to Gymboree and Hands on House where they close the entire place except for their kids....Literally, I cannot go anywhere without someone mentioning them, especially when I'm at the hospital/doctors office. The other frustrating thing is that they did IVF. That means that to get all 6 kids at once they would have implanted at least 6 embryos in hopes that one took...however that also means that they KNEW before they did it that ALL of them could have implanted and they would end up in the position that they are in.
I know...why do I care, it just gets old hearing the same thing over and over and over again whenever people hear about how many kids we're going to have and what their ages are. It's probably just my hormones. lol...

B*tching, Just can't help it anymore

I don't know where to begin. I'm awful uncomfortable. I have hit another weight "milestone" and it sucks. I feel like such a fat cow it's terrible. Since I've gone on bed rest on the 27th of Sept I have started swelling so much. It shows everywhere. I have cankles now...and wiener toes as I like to call them since they look like cocktail wieners. My face is puffy and so are my eyes most of the time. The fake wedding set I have (I bought it when mine no longer fit) is too small most days and it's 2 sizes bigger than my real wedding set. My back is in a constant knot, my belly is sagging now with the weight of the girls, and two placentas and fluid in there. Total the babies now weigh over 8lbs. My belly is stretched so tight that the itching is almost unbearable and no amount of lotion helps. Also, the dreaded stretch marks are making their appearance...UGGG. Hopefully they will fade to almost nothing after I get back to my normal weight, which I WILL do!! ;) My medicine is still giving me ADD and the shakes.
Ok -- I think I'm done b*tching.
Now on to my doctor appointments yesterday and today. Yesterday I left my appointment feeling good. The doctor was encouraging and optimistic. She obviously didn't give me any guarantees but basically said that as long as I follow the rules of bed rest and take my medicine, stay hydrated, and be aware of my body for early early early signs of impending labor...that she doesn't see any reason as of now that I wouldn't be able to carry these kiddos to at least 34 weeks if not 36/37 weeks. That made me feel so good. Now on to today's NST and dr appt...The NST went really well. The babies were cooperative and I only had to sit there for 40 minutes with the three monitors on my belly. The babies looked AWESOME. I am so thankful for that. I will have NST's every Wednesday now until I deliver. Then I went to see the doctor for her to review the NST with me. Now, don't get me wrong, I like this doctor. She is very nice and always answers my questions. And she is compassionate which is more than I can say for some of the other doctors at this practice, well -- one in particular. However, she totally and completely burst my optimistic bubble today. I don't want anyone lying to me about the status of the babies and of me and my body holding up but geez. Today she said with me being dilated to 1-2cm and having a very short/soft cervix that she said I would be lucky to make it to 33/34 weeks judging by my history. I almost started crying right then but didn't. She went on to say that in the week between my hospital admissions, the changes I had to my cervix were 'dramatic' enough to point to me having no more than a month left before my body gives in. A month from the first time I was in the hospital is 2 days before I hit 34 weeks.
I'm trying to stay positive. I'm trying to prepare for the babies to come. It's just hard. I don't want them to spend time in the NICU. I don't want them to struggle. I don't want to leave my two tiny girls alone in the hospital and go home. The only good things are that I have the steroids on board and that girls lungs tend to mature faster than boys lungs. I've been praying more than I have ever done in my life...if you're the praying type, please pray that I can hang on to these kids for another 4 weeks which would take us to 35 weeks.

almost 31 weeks

According to Maternal Fetal Medicine I will be 31 weeks pregnant tomorrow, according to my regular OB I won't be 31 weeks until Wednesday. I am all over the place these days. At one point I will feel positive and confident that I will be able to stay pregnant until at least 35 weeks, the next minute I am having contractions and pressure and can't fathom staying pregnant more than a few more days. My body really is stretched to the limit. I know that there are many other women out there that have carried twins to term I just don't feel like my body wants to...I want it to so much. The thought of having to watch my two daughters struggle in the NICU literally makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know how I would be able to bring myself to leave my two completely helpless little girls in the hospital and go home. I am trying to just lay low and stay laying down, so there is no pressure on my cervix, as much as possible. I will feel like I let my babies down if I cannot carry them until they are healthy enough to come home with me. I'm struggling right now I guess.
I have another doctor appointment on Tuesday that my parents are going to drive me to since I'm not supposed to be driving. Matt will be in the mountains at his Grandfather's funeral. I feel terrible that I cannot go with him for a few reasons. I want to go and pay my respects to Grandpa first and foremost. I also just want to go and be there for Matt, be there for my husband. I know that everyone understands of course, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm not allowed to travel and feel terrible about it.
I'm hoping to get good news at the doctor on Tuesday. I am not sure what they are going to do at the appointment. I will not have any more cervix measurements taken since they don't matter any more now since I'm already dilated. I'm unsure if they are going to check and see if I'm any further dilated, on one hand I would like to know and on the other hand I think things should just be left alone! I don't want to make things worse by having them check. I'll have to just talk to the doctor about it, I really like the doctor that I'm seeing so that makes it better. I think I'll be starting NST's now since I'm already starting to dilate. I'm happy and unhappy about that. It just means that I'll be at the doctor even more now. However I don't have to go back to MFM until Nov 3rd if I make it that long.
The medicine that I'm on makes me so anxious and jittery. It also causes me literally to have severe ADD. I can't focus on anything, even watching TV is a challenge. It's apparently one of the more rare side effects of it but with the dose that I'm taking being so high, the doctor said that he's not surprised. I'm so sick of TV already but I can't focus enough to read or sew. Typing this blog has taken me so long because I keep coming back to it and adding since I cannot concentrate on what I'm doing. I apologize if it's hard to read or doesn't make sense.

quick update

I was back in the hospital today for contractions. I am now 1-2cm dilated and my cervix is 2cm so slightly shorter than Monday when I left the hospital. I had a growth scan for the babies and they are weighing in at 3 lbs 10oz and 3lbs 12oz so they're growing very well. I'm still hopeful that we don't end up having these babies until i'm at least 34 weeks which is the last week in October. They are still confident in the ffn test they did last saturday which was negative...that's the test that tells if you're going to go into labor in the next two weeks or not and is pretty accurate so I'm happy about that. I have much more to say about the series of events today however, I'm so darn sick from this medicine I can't focus.
Keep praying everyone....I am still really scared to have these babies too early.

Hospital stay

I don't even know where to begin right now...I went into the hospital Saturday around lunchtime and just came home today. I was having bad cramping and contractions on Saturday so we decided to have me checked out fully expecting to just be sent home and told to take it easy. That wasn't the case. I am 1cm dilated and my cervix shortened from 3.47 to 2.1cm which is not good. My contractions were coming every 3 minutes and weren't stopping so they admitted me. I was put in Procardia to try to stop the contractions which it was helping with however my body could just not tolerate the medicine. It's a smooth muscle relaxer which is why it relaxes your uterus and helps stop contractions however it also effects your heart rate and blood pressure. My blood pressure kept dropping to dangerously low levels so they have to stabilize me and try to change my meds. I was switched to Brethine and it works to help stop the contractions however has nasty side effects also. I shake uncontrollably, my heart races, get intense head and spinal pain, and get very sick to my stomach. I was also given 2 steroid injections to help develop the babies lungs in case they come early. However, it's all worth it to keep these babies in for at least another 5 weeks. Right now I am taking things two weeks at a time in regards to the babies. My next big milestone to hit is 32 weeks, then 34, and finally full term at 36. For me I'm just trying to take things one day at a time and follow the doctors orders to the letter. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow and will hopefully get more positive news tomorrow. I have so much more to say but that's it in a nutshell. If you're the praying type, say a little prayer for us that we can keep these babies in for a while longer.

Swollen

My toes look like cocktail weiners. I am a swollen mess by the end of the day if I attempt to do a little bit too much which lately is feeling like everything is a little too much. I'm super frustrated since there's so many things I want to do with the kids but am feeling more and more like I can't. The babies are still not in the right position for a vaginal delivery. Baby A (Madeline) is head up and Baby B (Leah) is head down. They both need to be head down for me to be able to avoid a c-section. My next dr appt isn't for another week and I'm anxious to get this one done with because I absolutely HATE the doctor. He's the only one that I don't like and will have to say that I'd be a little disappointed with if I had a vaginal delivery and he was the doctor. If it's a c-section, I don't think it will really matter all that much who does it since you don't have all that much interaction with the doctor like you do when you're pushing out two babies. At least that's what I'm thinking.

Nothing else much to report except that I'm sleeping less and less and it's catching up to me on some days. I might end up taking the Ambien the doctor gave me...but I'm not there yet.

Man, these twin posts have become just a b*tch fest lately. Sorry to all those that read it.

Trying to stay positive....

Doctor Appointment

I had yet another doctor appointment today and it went fairly well. I gained about 4 lbs in a week but the doctor said a rapid weight gain is normal for this point in a twin pregnancy. I have been having a lot of back pain and other issues and it turns out that I have the start of a kidney infection so I'm on medicine for that. Hopefully it will clear up soon and I'll feel better. I had my cervix checked today and it's closed and doing well. It was measuring a 3.47 at my last MFM appointment last week and that's really good. Since I'm doing well I don't have to go back for 2 weeks! Thank goodness! I have another 3-4 weeks before I have to start my NST's and go to all weekly OB appointments and then biweekly MFM appointments. I am not allowed to travel any longer than an hour in the car at a time. I asked specifically to see if I was able to go to the mountains and obviously that's not going to happen. But I have to put the babies first. We also had a discussion about the possiblilty of a c-section and the timing of it...I'm NOT happy about when they will schedule it. They won't schedule one until my 37th week. Granted, I don't want to have the babies too early but I highly doubt I'll make it to 37 weeks and would rather they schedule it for 36 weeks in the hopes that I don't have to go into labor just to be in agony for no reason.

3rd TRIMESTER!!!!

I'm finally in my third trimester!!!! I'm so relieved and happy that there is an end in sight now! I'm feeling ok for the most part. Usual discomfort, backaches, ligament pain in my stomach, peeing ALL the time, hungry all of the time, swelling, trouble getting up and down, trouble bending over, just the usual stuff. I am having contractions yesterday and today but I think it's just because I'm sick and I get them whenever I blow my nose or cough. Hopefully everything will check out ok at the doctor tomorrow. The contractions aren't regular and I'm not having more than 5 in an hour so I'm just trying to rest. (With the exception of going to Walmart this morning! oops!) I'm very thankful that the weather is cooling off, there's a nice breeze today so that's helping my swelling a little bit. But (knock on wood) so far so good....I pray it stays that way and we don't meet these two little girls until November 10th at the earliest, I would be 36 weeks at that point.

To swing or not to swing....

I have been debating on whether or not to buy a baby swing since we're having twins. We had one and sold it after we didn't use it with Evan. We didn't really use it with Grace either and that's why we decided to just sell it even though we knew we wanted another baby. However, now that we're having two more babies I just keep thinking that maybe it would be a good idea to have one. If one baby is crying or something while I'm trying to feed the other one then maybe the swing would be helpful?! However, we're not having any more kids after this and I would think that the twins would only use a swing for a short period of time is it worth spending the money on one? I have looked for a used one but haven't found anything that looks promising.

I'm really having trouble breathing lately. It's pretty frustrating when I'm pretty much doing nothing but household stuff and get winded like I'm running a marathon. I had a dream last night that I was having the babies via c-section and didn't really like that dream! I am still holding on to a little bit of hope for a natural delivery. I thought going into this pregnancy that I would do this one without medication but now I don't have an option. They pretty much force you to get an epidural when you have twins. They want you to so that if the need for a c-section arises they can just top off the epidural and you're good to go.

Maternal Fetal Medicine

I had my MFM appointment this morning and it went really well! Both of the girls look big and healthy! They are each weighing the same still at 2 and a half pounds each!! That is in the 60th percentile for singleton weights so I'm thrilled that they are doing so well! It really does make me feel better about my weight gain knowing that it's going to the girls and making them grow big and strong! My cervix still looks good but again I got a lecture about not doing too much and resting as much as humanly possible and that if I worked outside the home they would make me stop working at this point and blah blah blah...I really am doing the best I can with not doing too much. I found out that Baby A (Madeline) is head down now!!! I pray that she stays that way!! However, Miss Leah how was head down all along is now footling breech...stinker. I pray pray pray that they both turn head down by 32 weeks.

After my appointment at MFM I went and did my 1 hour glucose test. Yuck! I had the Lemon-Lime flavor and it *almost* made me vomit. Literally. I should get the results from that tomorrow. I also am having my blood tested for anemia. It wouldn't surprise me if I was anemic since I was with both Grace and Evan. No biggie though. Just have to take iron supplements in addition to the horse-pill prescription prenatal vitamins I take every night.

OB appointment today

I went to my regular OB appointment today and it went well according to the doctor. Everything looks fine to them. I'm measuring large even for a twin Mom but that had them happy. I'm severely depressed all of the sudden about my weight gain though. I was so shocked by how much I gained in just 2 weeks that I cannot even bring myself to say it on here. Not much else to tell from this appointment, I have to go to Maternal Fetal Medicine tomorrow for my ultrasound/growth scan/cervix measurement appointment, then over to get my glucose tolerance test done (yuck). I'll update again tomorrow with hopefully more interesting news!

half rant/ half rave

Rant first...I *try* not to bitch and complain too much about my pregnancy aches and pains but these last few days have been ridiculous! I can barely walk because of severe nerve pain in my back and ligament stretching cramping pain in my lower pelvis. I'm expanding rapidly and I can literally feel my skin pulling...I don't think I'm going to be escaping stretch marks this time around. I can barely eat anything because I fill up so darn fast so I find myself eating all day long but only a few bites here and a few bites there. It now makes sense why they say that twin growth rate slows for the 3rd trimester! It's because you can't eat anything!! It's still hot and humid outside lately and I'm still swelling up like a blimp. So much so that I can't wear sneakers because they don't fit on my huge feet but I need to wear sneakers when I'm doing anything because it helps with the back pain. Sleep? What is that?? I don't sleep anymore. I can maybe sleep for about an hour and a half in a row before it's a trip to the potty and to try to get comfortable again. It's hard for me to lay on my sides because then I put lots of pressure on my shoulders and they come out of joint just enough to cut off my circulation and make my arms go numb. Ugg.....I think I'm done bitching for this blog......

On to the the rave....I'm in my last week of my second trimester! I have two doctor appointments this week, on Monday I have an appointment with my regular OB and then on Tuesday I have an ultrasound/growth scan/cervical measurement at MFM. I'm a little anxious about both appointments because despite my complaining about being majorly uncomfortable I feel like I'm doing really well with this pregnancy and hope that it continues. I am just the most worried about cervical changes that will put me in the hospital on bed rest or at home on bed rest. I've been through every situation in my head and there's no easy solution to me going on bed rest. If I am at home it would be a little easier since my Dad is laid off...he could fill in the gaps between people being here with me, and if the kids needed something he couldn't do I could help out in some ways like if Evan needed a poopy diaper changed, I could do it in bed - that type of thing. BUT I'm trying to keep positive about it. I'm following what the doctors are saying and keep my activity level to a minimum. I will do something like clean the kitchen and then sit for a while on the floor and play with the kids or on the couch with my feel up...then do something else and sit again. I feel kind of silly doing it, but I want big healthy babies with no NICU time! I will post more after my appointments this week. I'm excited to see how big the girls are at my ultrasound on Tuesday and that they are still measuring the same. When twins start measuring vastly different weights - it can be a sign of a larger issue. AND I'm praying that little Miss Madeline decides that head down is the way to be since she's the one who will determine if I need a c-section or not and as of right now, she's still head up...and not much time left to turn since they are getting really cramped in there!!

I'll post more tomorrow after my appointment.

Whew! Week 26!

25 weeks and a few days pregnant

I am 26 weeks pregnant this week. My goal is to make is at the VERY VERY minimum another 8 weeks which will put me at 34 weeks pregnant. I think I will breathe a small sigh of relief when I hit that milestone. Not to say that the babies will have an easy road if they are born then but I can rest assured that the health issues they would have then would be temporary. I really want to make it to 37 weeks but I just really don't see how that is physically possible. I mentioned before that strangers are telling me that my belly looks painful - well not I can't go ANYWHERE without someone saying that to me! On a selfish level - I feel so fat and cumbersome it's ridiculous. I waddle more than I ever remember waddling with Grace and Evan. It's a little embarrassing actually. I am looking forward to my next set of dr appointments - I can't wait to see how big the girls are. I'm a little sad that Matt can't go with me but we will have many more appointments that he can go with me to. I just like that extra set of ears if nothing else. Sometimes the dr's throw so much at you during the MFM appointments that I can't keep up!

oh-that looks painful

I have gotten more than one comment within the past week that my belly looks painful. Ha! It's actually starting to get painful at the bottom since it's sticking out so far now. I am so happy that we have been having cooler weather, as I'm not swelling so much now. I really do have to post another belly picture and keep saying that I will but I'm just putting it off since I don't really want to see what I actually look like. lol. I'm avoiding mirrors right now! I'm having more and more contractions lately. I think it's a combination of stress, dehydration (even though I drink a TON of water/juice a day) and the fact that my uterus is measuring much larger than full term for a singleton pregnancy. I'm so scared that my body can't handle that much more. And I still have about 11 weeks to go until I want the babies to come. I don't really sleep anymore and I'm more cranky because of it. At least I'll be in good practice for when the twins are here and not letting me sleep at night either! I can't wait for my next appointments on 9/8 and 9/9. Each appointment makes me feel closer to delivery day!
I am hoping that I will be able to see that Madeline has flipped head down on the next ultrasound. Pretty soon there will be no room for her to flip over - or very little chance that it will happen. And if she stays where she is then I will for sure have a c-section which I don't want.
Nothing else new...

Doctor Appointment

I just got back from my 24 week doctor appointment and it went well. I am happy yet sad about the amount of weight I gained...10 more pounds!!! That puts me at 23 total at 24 weeks. The doctor was happy about it, and so am I - it's just shocking to see the numbers rise so much. The doc told me that he was happy with how big the babies are and listened to the heartbeats. Nothing else really happening. I have to start going every two weeks now. I am going to feel like I live at that hospital! So now my next appointment is 9/8 at the regular OB and 9/9 at Maternal Fetal Medicine. I tried to get both on the same day so I don't have to drive up there two days in a row but things never work like that! Especially with the MFM, they are so hard to get appointments with. I forgot to ask when I have to start getting the non-stress tests done. I think I have to get my next glucose screening at my next appointment. Oh- and my blood pressure was a little higher than usual but nothing to be concerned about. Overall it was pretty uneventful. And I like those appointments!

Contractions

I am having contractions and cramping. It sucks. It hasn't been bad enough to go to Labor & Delivery but it's scary and uncomfortable. I'm going to be 24 weeks this week. It's waaaayyyy too early for this to be happening. I know I've said this before, but this is one of the things that I hate about pregnancy, the worry. I try to not worry, and barely have time to this pregnancy but it's still in the back of my head.
The babies are moving around and waking me up all the time at night. They always seem to get hiccups at the same time, and that makes for a violent good time! lol
Not much else going on, i'm just trying to drink lots of water and make sure I sit down for a few minutes whenever I can and put my feet up.

Doctor Doctor

We had our doctor appointment today at Maternal Fetal Medicine and it went really well! Our girls are growing so fast!! They are both weighing exactly the same which is awesome for twins. They each weigh 1.6lbs!!!! That is more than the average single baby at this gestation!! I'm thrilled! They were moving and shaking all over the place. We got more pictures of them but they weren't being very photogenic. The only "issue" is that Baby A is still footling breech. She needs to flip over because I don't want a C-section! But, what will be will be. I was literally "high-fived" by the doctor for my weight gain! That was too funny! The doctor did say that between now and 32 weeks I have my work cut out for me since that is the time that twins tend to show growth restrictions so I have to keep eating and resting, resting, resting. But all in all it was an awesome appointment. I go back on the 9th of September to MFM. I have a regular OB appointment next Thursday where I will find out how much more weight I have put on.

Dr appt tomorrow

We have a dr appt tomorrow at MFM for an ultrasound to check the babies and to measure my cervix. I can't wait to see how much the babies have grown and pray that they are still right where they should be. I pray that my cervix hasn't shortened any b/c if it has that usually means definite bedrest and drugs of some sort and I don't even want to go down that road. I had to take medicine to stop preterm labor with Grace and it was horrible. It makes your heart race and you sweat and the whole room spins....it's just nasty stuff. I feel ok so i'm hoping that that is a good sign. I can't wait to see how different the babies look from 4 weeks ago. They have 'some' fat on them now so they should look a little less alien like! The 20th of August is a big day for us since it's the date of viability! I can't believe that it's going to be here soon and sooo thankful. But these kiddos better stay put for at least another 12 weeks at the minumum! I'm hoping for another 14 weeks - so they would be born at 37 weeks! I'll post an appt update tomorrow after our appt.

Name update!

We think that we have finally decided on names for these two little girls!!!

Madeline Avery and Leah Michelle

Twin facts!

I just found out some interesting information on twins. The type of twins we are having are diamniotic dichorionic twins. All that means is that they are developing in separate amniotic sacs and have separate placentas. I knew that we had a 10% chance that they were going to be identical but I didn't know that if they were they would be classified as the most identical out of all twins. Now - I'm having a little trouble understanding what " the most identical" means since I thought if your genetically the same then you can't get much more identical than that. Also, if we 'think' at birth that they are identical then we will see if their blood types match. If they do then we can send away to get their DNA done to see if they are in fact identical. I don't really care either way if they are or aren't. I think there are pros and cons to both - not that anything would change since if they are they are!! I just thought it was interesting.

I can't wait for my next ultrasound on Tuesday!! I always get nervous right before we go but I'm still really excited about it!

Sleep...

I just can't seem to sleep well at night anymore. I can't get comfortable and the babies are awake pretty much all night long. I can't sleep through their kicks and turns anymore. In the last few days I have noticed that I'm having a lot of trouble breathing, I can't take deep breaths anymore. My stomach is a lot more full at the top and it's uncomfortable. I just don't see where I have to get a lot bigger. I've had people say that I look huge, and I've had people say that I look small for having twins. I 'feel' huge. I'm trying to keep up with the kids as much as possible and continue to clean out the house of everything that's not necessary since we hope to have as much room as possible - as well as not have to move things we don't need when we decide to buy another house.

Last night

Last night was a great night! The babies were so active! I sat and watched them moving around in my stomach more than I ever have before! It was so cool to see. I couldn't believe how active they were. I had a hard time sleeping because at least 3 times during the night Baby A, the one on my left, flipped upside down. She was doing somersaults all night long. It was a neat feeling but kind of painful at the same time!I didn't think that I would be able to know for sure which baby is which this soon but there's no mistaking it sometimes! I can't wait to see them again on the ultrasound on the 12th! I had some really bad stretching pains yesterday throughout the day so I know that they're growing big and strong!!

Belly pictures

Here is a recent belly picture at almost 22 weeks pregnant....I was tired, just before bed when it was taken. I am going to need a shelf or something to put my belly on in a few weeks! lol...the babies weigh about a pound each now- I can't imagine what i'm going to look like when they're up around 4-5-6 pounds!!!! Whew! I can't wait though.

I am kind of sad about leaving the mountains this weekend. I now know that I can't go back until after the twins are born. I thought maybe we could sneak another trip in in September, but this weekend proved otherwise. I get so exhausted and dehydrated that I just don't think that it's wise to go again. I barely make it to the rest stops for potty breaks and thought that I might have to use Grace's emergency potty that we have in the car!!! lol...I didn't have to though, thank goodness!! I'm anxious for my next appointment at Maternal Fetal Medicine on the 12th. I can't wait to see how much the babies have changed and how much weight that they have gained. Not much else to report other than I'm hungry all the time and get really intense cravings for things i'm not allowed to have - hoagies, beer, wine....Oh well, only a few more months!!

Lull

Not much happening on the baby-front. We can now see the babies moving from the outside. I keep having dreams that we deliver them and they're a boy and girl instead of 2 girls. I'm 99.9% sure that they are both girls but am going to make them check again on the 12th just to be sure! lol I have officially outgrown almost every pair of maternity shorts I own and have taken to wearing Matt's mesh shorts almost all the time when i'm at home. I think that it won't be long and i'll need to be in a moo-moo. Heck - even Angelina Jolie was wearing moo-like dresses near the end of her pregnancy, designer moo-moo's i'm sure. But I just don't want to buy more maternity clothes. I'm giving away a lot of my things to the church when the donation center is open again in August. I don't want to complain because i'm 'trying' to gain weight, but it's just making me a little upset when I can see a change in my face b/c of the weight. I'm afraid I won't even recognize myself by the end of this pregnancy. And I haven't even start to retain loads of water weight like I did with both Grace and Evan. We're supposed to go to the mountains this weekend, and hope we still can but I think Grace is getting sick. I think this is going to be our last trip for a while. I just hope Grace just has a scratchy throat and it's nothing more than that.

Doctor Appt.

We are officially half way there this week!!! Yay!!! I keep saying to myself that I'm 20 weeks pregnant. I'm 20 weeks pregnant...with twins. Holy crap. I had someone say to me today, "hasn't it sunken in yet?" In a lot of ways it has but I really don't think the reality of bringing two little babies home in November/December has hit us.
I had a regular doctor appointment today and it went fine. I have been trying and trying to gain some weight since they stress that a weight gain of 50 lbs is what I should be shooting for and up until last month I had only gained 4.5 lbs. Well--today I got on the scale and holy moly...I gained 9 lbs in a little less than 4 weeks. Not only that but when they measured my belly, it's measuring a lot larger than it was the last time. I'm measuring a lot further along that even the average twin Mom! That makes me so happy! I want two healthy girls over 6lbs!! The dramatic increase in the size of my stomach explains a lot of the ligament pain that i've been having. I have to go back to the reg dr in another 4 weeks and after that it's every 2 then every 1....In between i'm going to Maternal Fetal Medicine on Aug 12. I will feel like i'm living at the hospital over the next few months, but that's ok -- anything for healthy babies!

In all honesty...

Ok, I usually *try* to be upbeat about things. Especially when it has something to do with being pregnant and not feeling well. Well - last night and today, I feel like utter garbage. Maybe it's the heat, or overdoing it - I don't know but I feel horrible. My belly aches so much. It feels like a constant burning from stretching to get bigger. Especially down near my hip bones - so everytime I walk, or switch position I get shooting pains up and down my legs. Walking is not easy today as I have severe nerve pain in my back and every step feels like someone is stabbing me in the tailbone. Matt is on nights so when he got up to get ready for work I went up to bed thinking that might help - nope. I can't belive that he has 3 more nights on since he picked up a day of overtime. I've been living in Matt's mesh Nike shorts since none of my maternity clothes fit or the ones that do "fit" are uncomfortable and don't cover my belly. As it is I have a small portion of my lower belly peeking out of this tank top, luckily i'm not going anywhere. Maybe it's ok for celebrities to have their pregnant belly hanging out but not me. I just don't like it. I'm getting braxton hicks contractions that scare the living crap out of me because i'm constantly worried about preterm labor since I have had it before with my other pregnancies.

Names

We have been thinking about names since we found out that we were having two little girls. We *think* that we're going to name them Leah Michelle and Madeline ________. It really has hit home a little more since the ultrasound that we will be bringing two little babies home in a few short months. Grace is adjusting well to the idea of having two sisters instead of the two brothers that she insisted that they were! We have started cleaning out what will be their room and will start the remodel next week when Matt has a few days off. I'm going to be so impatient about getting the room finished. I feel a bit of a rush to get things done and organized since I never know when and if I might go on bedrest. The doctor at MFM told us to try to have things ready by 3o weeks so we can "relax" the last few weeks before they arrive. I feel like my belly has really grown a lot this last week or so, it's close to measuring where it was when I was 37 weeks pregnant with Evan! I'm going to be sooo BIG!! I want to big healthy girls so that's fine with me!

AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot begin to say how amazing today was! We got to see our two big, healthy babies! They are measuring right where they should be, both weigh about 10 oz and are between 6-8 inches long. They are the same size as a singleton would be at this stage. Baby A's heartrate was 146 and baby B's heartrate was 151. Baby A is the baby on my left and Baby B on my right. Baby A for the time being is head up and baby B is head down. The ultrasound was confusing at times since there was just a jumble of arms and legs everywhere! We got to see them for about 40 minutes each!!! They said that the babies looked perfect!!!! Matt and I left there on cloud 9. It really did make everything a little more real to us that we are actually going to have two amazingly perfect little GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right, we're having two little girls!! They think that they are fraternal twins, however there is a 10% chance that they are identical. I am beyond excited!

Thank you to everyone who was thinking about us and praying for a good appointment today! It meant a lot!!

Now to think of names.......hmmmm......

The big one

Tomorrow is the big day! We have our ultrasound finally and i'm beyond nervous. My prayer is for us to get the news that there are two big healthy babies in there!!! I'm also hoping that we can find out the genders! We still aren't sold on names...we're set if it's two boys I think. They would be Connor Keith & Grant Matthew. We're going out to lunch before the ultrasound since it's my birthday tomorrow also! I haven't decided where though. I have a whole list of questions for the dr and am also taking a pen and paper so that I can write things down about the babies that he tells us. I hope we like the dr and the ultrasound tech we have. I hate it when I get so excited for appointments and end up with a mean ultrasound tech who doesn't tell us anything. I will definitely post tomorrow results of the ultrasound since I know there are people waiting to hear!! It may not be until late though since we won't get back until around dinner time and i'll be busy making the kids dinner then bath then bed....
If you're the praying type, pray for us to see two healthy babies tomorrow!!!!

Growing

Ihad Matt take belly pictures last night and I don't think that i've grown too much out to the front, I think it's more width from the last two weeks. My belly is definitely more "full" at the sides. I can feel the babies all the time now. I am anxiously waiting when Matt can finally feel them since he said he still can't. I don't know how that's possible b/c I can even see kicking movements sometimes. I am night and day with this pregnancy. Some days i'm so excited I can barely contain myself, while other days i'm so nervous and anxious about everything from preterm labor to delivery itself to the reality of bringing home two more babies into our house...we're doubling the kids we have now in one swoop. Wow.

I never know how to answer the "How are you feeling?" question. Most of the time I just say "ok" so I don't have to get into it but that's lying most of the time. This pregnancy is getting harder and harder by the day. I have to rest in the middle of the day just to make it to bedtime b/c of the stretching pain that I have in my abdomen. I guess all of the 1000's of situps and crunches I did after Evan was born are going right down the pooper! lol...Maybe that's why it jurts so much - i tightened everything up and now i'm getting it ripped back apart! But that's ok - if I got back in shape after two babies, I can do it again; I hope. Maybe i'm just talking myself into it!

1 to go...

A week from today we will be having our ultrasound. I am getting really scared. I think that this ultrasound will make it really sink in that we are having twins. I want to see two very healthy big babies! I'm not gaining much weight even though i'm eating so that still has me a little worried. And like i've said before, i'm just so scared of something being wrong with the twins...which I think comes from our scare with Grace.
I had a very busy weekend this weekend and am feeling it today. I am sore and really tired. I may not be so tired but last night people thought that setting off fireworks at 11pm was a great idea. We couldn't see where it was coming from even though it was close, if I saw where it was coming from - I was so angry, I would have been out there yelling.lol.
I have to take and post another belly picture...maybe i'll get Matt to take one tonight.

FEELING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I felt one of the babies today from the outside!!! I can't wait until Matt can feel it! He was sleeping this morning since he worked last night so he missed it. I think it was kicking up near my ribcage, I can't imagine arms and hands being that strong this early.

I'm getting more impatient as the days go by for the ultrasound. I know you all are sick of hearing about it but I can't help it. I just want to see that the babies are healthy and happy in there and that my cervix measures nice and long. I'm so scared of preterm labor since I have had it before and the risk is higher since i'm carrying two.

I can't wait for Matt to get up today, I feel like I haven't seen him in days. I kind of haven't. I haven't been sleeping well at night so when he gets up at 1 I go to sleep and then I get up again right when he's ready to walk out the door for work.

It's the 4th of July...only 10 more days until my ultrasound.

Scary night

I passed out last night while I was making dinner for the kids and I. Matt is on night shift this week so he wasn't here. I was standing at the counter and all of the sudden I started seeing black spots and little white spots. I made it into the living room and that's the last thing I remember. I don't think I was out for very long b/c the kids didn't seem very concerned with me on the floor. I think I sat down on the floor or couch and ended up on the floor but not really sure. It sure was scary though. I had a horrible headache and felt sick to my stomach the rest of the night. I feel ok so far this morning, just a little scared of it happening again especially since I have to do some errands today with the kids.
So far on the baby poll, it looks like most people think that we're having boys! We will see, only 11 more days.

Guess!!

Since our big ultrasound is coming up on the 14th, I thought I would post a game for everyone to guess what these two little ones are!! Remember to vote once for Baby A and once for Baby B! I can't wait to see what everyone thinks!

Thoughts on two?!!

The more I start to realize that, "yes, this is actually going to happen!" the more I start to panic. I'm just trying to tell myself to remember back to when Evan was born. The beginning was easy. He slept a lot and I only had to "deal" with two at once a few short times a day. If he needed me at night, Grace was asleep so it was just like having one child again. It wasn't until he got older and demanded more attention, and ineraction, then started walking that things got a little more challenging. I keep trying to remind myself that Grace and Evan sleep pretty well at night so at night I will only have to deal with the twins, and i'm a pro at dealing with two kids now ~ at least the twins aren't mobile at first !! During the day will be challenging when the twins both want to be fed or need attention and Grace and Evan need something also but Grace is so independent, she wants to do most things for herself now anyway. She dresses herself for the most part, puts her shoes and socks on, combs her hair, wants to help make lunch, goes potty, washes her hands, sets the table for dinner, etc...I really think she's going to be a huge help when HER babies come. Which she still insist are boys. Evan wants to do everything Grace does so he just follows her around hoping she will let him play with her. It's so cute. They do play well together most of the time. I just can't wait to see that they're healthy!!!!!! I hate how slow time is going. I want 12 days to just fly by!! I would be happy to just fast forward to the 11th, the start of Matt's week off, and we get to see friends that night too! I'm so impatient.

Random, I swear my belly grew A LOT overnight last night. I have to take another picture.

Checking in

I went to a regular appointment yesterday and it went ok. I gained 2lbs which is good I guess. I'm trying to gain even more but these babies are taking everything I can give them!! I asked a lot of questions and got some so-so answers which were a little disappointing. I am still waiting for my big ultrasound and it seems like it's getting further away instead of closer. I can't wait to sit back and watch our 2 babies for an hour and a half!! I pray every night that they're healthy! I think we're closer to names now!
I am a little unhappy about some of the dr's at the practice. I don't like some of them, at all. I won't be thrilled if I have a vaginal delivery and they are the ones in the room. The last thing I need when i'm trying to deliver 2 babies is someone with NO bedside manner and a "suck it up" attitude. These dr's that I don't like just all happen to be men...so "suck it up" just doesn't fly with me --they've never done it!! lol But I guess all that matters is that they're good doctors and the babies are healthy. I just have to keep that in mind. Along with that I just have to keep trying to prepare myself for having a c-section. I just worry so much about having ppd and not being able to nurse the babies right away like I did with Grace and Evan. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook b/c I know my chances are high for having a c-section but I want so much for a vaginal delivery! Everyone needs to already start sending me "baby head down" vibes! lol
I better go even though I have more to say. Matt let me sleep in and I have to get downstairs to cook him dinner and take a shower before he goes back to sleep since he's on nights this week.

Baby buying

I haven't bought anything for the twins yet with the exception of 2 onesies that we used to tell Matt's Mom that we were having twins. I don't know what i'm waiting for. Well, I guess i'm kind of waiting for our level 2 ultrasound on my birthday just to make sure everything looks ok which i'm sure it will. I guess part of the reason that I haven't bought anything is because when we decided to get pregnant again we talked about how we wouldn't really need to buy anything new since we have a boy and a girl and have all of the "big" things already. I guess i've pushed out of my head the fact that we DO need all of the big things. We are basically starting over again. We need a 2nd high chair, bouncy seat, a swing since we sold the other one (didn't use it much but I think we might find it useful since we're going to have 4 kids to deal with and I only have 2 hands. I could go on and on. I want to start stocking up on diapers since we're going to have 3 kids in diapers instead of just 2 which we're accustom to already since Grace hasn't been potty trained that long. I was just going to continue buying diapers so we don't get "out of the habit" of spending that extra money. We need a second car seat and car seat cover since it's going to be winter when they come. Not to mention clothes. I mean, yes we have a boy and a girl now but a lot of the infant clothes from Grace got thrown away since she had such bad reflux and Evan was born in April so most of his things are out of season/size. On top of this stuff, we're going to attempt to finish the attic for more space since we have no clue as to where we want to move to, not to mention the fact that we don't have a large enough down payment saved for the type of house we want to purchase. We have thought about a lease to buy thing but am a little leary of that. I also don't want to sell our house and take a hit on it since the housing market sucks so bad right now. We are just trying to stay put in this shit town until we just can't stand it anymore. I like my house, I just don't like the town. Like I always say about our home purchase, we bought it b/c Matt was at Walter and Jackson making crap and we wanted me to be able to stay home with the kids and this is what we could afford. Little did we know that a few short months later he would get the job at Valero and things would change drastically. Had we known then what we know now...
I'm trying to organize the dining room more. We have decided that we are going to make it strictly a play room. We're going to remove the hutch and sewing table and make it more useful to our needs. I really don't care what people think of it, We're going to have 4 kids age 3 and under, we need room for their things! I bought the play table for in there and want to get a low bookshelf for in there also I just need to save the money for it. It's also from Pottery Barn outlet. I am loving that place right now. The furniture is amazing and it's sooo cheap.
I've gone on and on enough already, i'll stop now.

Last minute dr appt

I had to go to the doctor today for some "issues" i'm having. I won't bore the "general blog reading public"...but the dr told me that I need to force more fluids, eat more, try to keep down my prenatal vitamins and REST. Umm...yea, I have 2 toddlers at home. I cannot rest. They don't know the meaning of the word rest and I certainly can't not lift Evan. He sleeps in a crib for goodness sake. Arggg.. I'm also supposed to buy this maternity belt support thing. I'm only 15 weeks for goodness sake. Oh--and AGAIN today the dr made mention of triplets. SOOO not funny. She thought she heard another heartbeat but then shrugged it off as an echo of baby a's heartbeat. I can't wait for my ultrasound. I guess the whole point of this blog and the dr appt is that I am supposed to take better care of myself. I'll try. I want healthy babies. I did gain almost 3 lbs.

15 weeks...

Here I am at 15 weeks! I'm sooo anxious for our level 2 ultrasound on 7/14! I cannot wait to find out what gender these two little beans are! I am still trying trying trying to gain weight...but to no avail. Matt is out getting me Dairy Queen right now!! I have a regular OB appt on the 30th of this month and can't wait to hear the heartbeats again. I love that sound. I'm a little nervous to be "turned" over to Maternal Fetal Medicine. It was such a scary thing with Grace when we went there but this time it's different and I just have to keep telling myself that. Nothing much to report, just a lot of pulling and tugging pains from growing so fast. I feel more like i'm 28-30 weeks pregnant as opposed to 15. I'm still a little in shock about really having twins but am getting so so so excited!!!

MOTHER OF THE YEAR!!!

This is the before picture..........



I cut Evan's hair last night with the #3 clipper attachment. It looked good, nothing fancy, just needed a little trim. Then it was off to tub, and pj's and bedtime. I was exhausted so I just crawled into bed right after the kids. Well, I left the clippers right on the table, plugged in and everything. I had taken the attachment off and wiped the hair off but just left them sitting there. Good move Mommy...Well I put Evan in his chair with a snack and left Grace walking around in the kitchen while I went to the potty for 2 minutes...She "helped Mommy cut Evan's hair". It's down to his scalp. Oops. I really think i'm up for the Mother of the Year award this time. SO now it's off to shave his head with the #1 and hope it looks somewhat OK!

Belly picture

Here are belly pictures from about a week and a half ago at around 12.5 weeks. I'm 14 weeks now.

Thoughts

I'm 14 weeks this week and am hoping this second trimester goes rather quickly. I cannot wait for my ultrasound in a few weeks! It will be the best birthday present. We think we have chosen names for the twins IF they're boy/girl. We are pretty much screwed if they're girl/girl in regards to names. I have been feeling pretty good lately, with the exception of swelling a bit with this heat and humidity. I have BIG news for Miss Grace that I will post on the other blog!

Dr appt

I went to the dr today and it was pretty uneventful. I lost 2 more lbs even though I feel like i'm eating everything in sight so that has me pretty bummed. Also, I won't be getting my big ultrasound until my birthday, July 14. I'm upset about it but what can you do?! It could have been a week or so sooner but Matt's schedule sucks so bad sometimes that we couldn't find a day to make it work so 7/14 it is. I'll be 19+ weeks by then. The ultrasound itself is 1 and half hours long!! But we will get immediate feedback on the results and find out the genders hopefully. I can occassionally feel the babies moving so that has me happy! Nothing else to report...I'm just exhausted tonight. It's 7:30, Matt's already asleep and i'm not far behind.

Names

Matt and I are still thinking about names. We still love Connor and now are considering Cassidy for a girl. The only thing we don't like is that if the twins are boy/girl, we don't like that the names are kind of "matchy". Connor and Cassidy. kwim? We like the name Grant for a boy. However we know someone who has two boys names Grant and Evan. But that really doesn't bother me since he's just an aquaintance and his boys are 12 and 14 or so. I have a dr appt tomorrow and hope to get an ultrasound... there would be a chance to find out the gender if we had an ultrasound! But I think the only way that would happen would be if we couldn't get the babies heartbeats on doppler and that would just be way too scary so no thanks! I'll update after my appointment and dinner out alone with Matt!!! Now I just have to pick the restaurant! Hmmm.....

Nothing much

We've passed the 12 week mark now and that felt pretty good. I'm starting to feel better and eat a lot more! I can feel the weight gain coming on! I majorly overdid it yesterday and paid dearly for it. Cramping and braxton hicks all night and still some thing morning...even a little pressure. Trying not to worry. I have to keep telling myself that I may be 12 weeks with twins but it's the same as over 20 weeks with a single...so I need to SLOW down! Yesterday was a HUGE wake up call for me. Nothing else much to say, waiting not so patiently for my dr appt on Friday that Matt gets to go to, YEA!

Small update

Nothing much new has come up but thought I would write a short blog anyway. I am 12 weeks, finally! I am slowly feeling more human so i'm excited about that. I'm still really really tired and nap almost every day when the kids nap. I'm lucky that I can do that. My belly is growing rapidly! It's pretty shocking. I have another dr appt on June 6th. I think i'll be scheduling my big ultrasound at that appt. I should have it around 18 weeks.

In other baby news, our friends TJ & Molly had their baby boy on Monday! They named him Colin Michael. We are going to go and visit them tomorrow at the hospital. I can't wait!

Dr appt

We had another dr appointment today. We tried to hear the heartbeats and think that we heard both babies but can't be sure. We heard heartbeats all over my stomach so the doc is pretty sure that we got to hear both. I still wish we could have that reassuring u/s to make sure everything is ok but May Grant seems anti-u/s. A lot of the other women on my board that I talk to that are pregnant with twins get an u/s at every visit so that they get an accurate measurement of the heartbeats. I hope that that becomes the way we are. We did get kind of blindsided by the dr about the nuchal tests. We turned down the quad screen for Grace and Evan and did for this baby also. However I didn't know much about the nuchal test until she sprung it on us today and that we have to decide withing 2 days b/c it can only be done between 11-13 weeks and the blood work that goes with the u/s has to be taken a week apart and i'm 11 weeks 1 day now. We still aren't positive what we are going to do but we're leaning towards not doing the test due to the rate of a false positive. I'm going to try to research it a little more.
That's about it for now...Oh-- I did gain 1.2 lbs so that's good since I'm still down from my pre-pregnancy weight. I have a lot of eating to do between now and 24 weeks!!!

Name game....

I am part of a Multiples message board and a lot of women are finding out the sexes of their twins btwn 13 - 16 weeks so that's coming up quickly for us. We only have one name that we are definite about and that is Connor. We have some other names that we are "throwing around" but still can't seem to decide. We are considering Nora, Quinn, Lily, Addison, and Taylor. We would like to be able to name the babies once we find out the sexes since I hate calling them "the twins" or Baby A and Baby B.

Baby Baby!

The ultrasound went amazing! I can't even describe how awesome it was. The babies look great! Baby A is measuring 10w4days and had a heartrate of 140, baby B is measuring 10w2days and had a heartrate of 167. Baby B was moving and shaking all over the place! They look so amazing! I can't wait for the next glimpse of them, and can't wait to see the look on Matt's face when he gets to see them. Here is a blurry picture of them in 3d. They baby on the left is head down with feet in the air and the one on the right is head up, feet down. The baby on the left is baby B and on the right is Baby A.

jitters

I know that i've mentioned this before but I am just so jittery about having tests done when i'm pregnant. I will never ever forget how we felt when we got bad news when I was pregnant with Grace. I know that I should be just fine with everything since everything worked out fine in the end with her but I guess it's just the fear and understanding that literally everything can change in an instant. I've been spotting for weeks now and finally am getting an u/s to check on the babies. I'm so nervous. I'm literally unable to sit still and have to wait until after lunch for the appt. Not only that, i'm not allowed to take the kids with me to the appt and Matt is working so my Dad is coming with me to sit with the kids while i'm in the appt. I'm scared they're going to be bad for him since it's their nap time when I have my appt. I hope that they will just watch the dvd player in the car.

Ultrasound

I have an ultrasound tomorrow. I'm excited and very very very nervous. I'll update tomorrow afternoon. The appt is at 1:25.

small update on a big belly

There's not much new to report. I'm starting to have some good days mixed in with the bad so there's hope that I should be feeling better soon! I'm still really tired. My stomach is growing so rapidly that it hurts to just wear pants. My skin hurts and my muscles hurt. I am still anxiously awaiting our next dr appt on the 22nd. I just want to hear the heartbeats. I *think* I can feel the babies moving every now and then but I'm still not sure. I keep thinking that it's still too early even though other twin mommies say that they can feel them this early also. If I remember I'm going to have Matt take another belly picture tonight. I feel like I grew in the last week so I want to compare. I'm trying to wait until after the first trimester to start buying things for the babies but it's so hard. It really does feel like we're having our first baby since we need to buy one of everything new. I think we need to buy 2 new infant car seats for these little ones. The one we used with Evan is not working properly anymore. The handle just doesn't quite slide back and forth.