stressed

The stress of everything is really getting to me. I'm feeling depressed and just stressed to my limit. I know that it's not good for me or the babies so I'm trying to keep myself occupied and not think about things too much. There is part of me that feels like it would be better for these girls to be on the outside. I hate taking medication while I'm pregnant and I'm on a ton. I take a heavy dose of brethine/terbutaline for contractions, macrobid for yet another UTI thanks to my bladder being smushed into several different pockets, I was on procardia, tums for reflux and some calcium, and something else that I can't even think of right now. Oh - and steriod shots to help their lung development since they might be born early. Now I can't shake the uneasy feeling of something being wrong with one or both of the girls because of the NST yesterday. It scared me so much. What if something happens to one of them? Or both of them? What if there were warning signs that I didn't see? It's so hard to do the kick counts because I can't really be sure which baby is which when they're moving. Both of their feet kind of meet in the top of my stomach so it's hard to tell which kiddo is which. Can you tell that bedrest is making me crazy??!! Too much time to think added to the fact that the brethine makes me anxious. I feel like I'm losing it. Uggg....now all of the blog readers are going to think I'm going crazy. I probably am.