Last post

I am going to stop writing this blog and only continue to write in my family blog. This blog was just for my pregnancy and now that I'm officially done being pregnant forever I'm only going to keep up with one!

Hospital stay

This is a picture of Leah in her isolette - she's glowing blue from the bili-lights. She had an IV and to wear the glasses to protect her eyes.

We ended up having to put the girls back in the hospital Tuesday evening. We went to the pediatrician for a visit and had to have blood taken for bilirubin levels and they were extremely elevated so the girls were admitted to LGH for two nights to bring them down. It was one of the most awful experiences of my life. I literally didn't sleep the first night at all trying to take care of my girls who were trapped in the isolettes. I don't have much time to write but we're back home now and trying to get settled...we never got settled the first time we were home. I'll write more when time allows.

They're here!!

Please welcome

Madeline Avery : Friday November 14th at 11:43 pm

and

Leah Michelle : Saturday November 15th at 12:40am

Two different birthdays!!

I'll post pictures soon!

Friday

I go back to the doctor this afternoon. I really don't want to go and am still a little confused as to why they want me to come in. I think it's mostly because of my contractions yesterday being 4 minutes apart and they want to make sure that I'm not dilating "quietly". I did everything possible last night and now this morning to try to make things progress. I'm getting ready to sit on the ball again and then push the kids in the double stroller for a little walk.
Grace told me this morning that she's sick of waiting for the babies to come. lol...me too Grace, me too! Then she stuck a ball up her shirt and waddled around pretending to be me. ;)

yet again

I went back to the doctor today. That makes it the second time this week. I'm still 3cm dilated. I was only supposed to have a regular appointment today but the doctor sent me over for an NST since he could feel that I was contracting. Sure enough they were every 4 minutes like clockwork, however the "shape" of the contraction wasn't regular so they sent me home. Grrr...I'm not too pleased about that. AND now they want me back in tomorrow afternoon to see if my cervix has changed any since one more centimeter and they won't send me home....I just have to get to 4. I'm doing everything known to man to try to get to 4. Only time will tell.

Matt goes back to work tomorrow - over 2 hours from the hospital. I'm scared yet again and going to be anxious every second that he's away. Thank goodness for Molly being local this weekend. She will be my saving grace if I need a ride to the hospital since the kids will be with my Mom. Here's to hoping that if I end up going into labor this weekend that it's after Matt comes home at 6pm...then I have from 6pm until 3:30am when he leaves to go into labor!!!

1st trimester all over again

I can't believe that I feel like this again...it's like I'm in the 1st trimester again. I have "morning sickness" all day, and am extremely tired all the time. Matt starts work again on Friday so for the next two days we're going to try to get labor started any way we can! I took a walk last night and it increased my contractions but not enough. I just need my water to break!! We are going to go to the park today - the kids will like it...we'll just have to bundle up! Maybe I can swing a baby out! Just kidding! I'm also going to clean clean clean as much as I can. I don't want to do so much that I'm even more exhausted than usual but we want so much to meet these two little ladies!!

now

I'm 3cm dilated. They won't do anything to help me along until 38 weeks. That's two weeks from now. The thought of being pregnant for two more weeks makes me want to throw up. Grace and Evan were born at 38 weeks exactly and were 8lbs3oz and 8lbs13oz. Lovely.

Sleep

I didn't sleep last night at all. It was a combination of the usual issues with being uncomfortable and having contractions all night and anxiety about my doctor appointment today. I'm beginning to dread nights. They seem so long since I cannot sleep. And I know that when the babies get here I won't be sleeping for other reasons so it makes me mad that I can't even "rest up" for delivery and having two newborns. I get to talk to yet another doctor today about vaginal v. c-section today - I hope I don't flip out about what she has to say.... I'll post later after my appointment.

Doctor

I go to the doctor tomorrow...I so much want them to just send me to L&D and tell me that it's baby time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh babies....

I'm 36 weeks pregnant today!! I am so happy that I made it this far....just not happy to be pregnant and uncomfortable if that makes any sense!! Nothing much to report. Still contracting all the time but it's not doing much. Here's to praying and hoping and wishing that these girls come within the next few days!

One more

One more day until I'm 36 weeks. I think this is the hardest day I've had yet. I got scared last night of being here alone with Matt so far away and packed everyone up and took the to my Mom & Dad's. Of course nothing happened. I was contracting every 6 minutes consistentely for hours and then all of the sudden it just stopped. I'm now back to every 8-10 minutes but it's just not doing much. The babies are hardly moving, I think because there really is NO more room. Some people have said that my belly looks smaller, and I guess I agree but only because it's not sticking so far out to the front now, it's sagging under the tremendous amount of weight now - oh how glorious I'm going to look when this is over! I'm going to need a Granny girdle.
I don't have another doctor's appointment until Tuesday which I'm looking forward to and dreading at the same time. If my cervix isn't changed any from my last appointment I'm going to have a nervous breakdown I think and just end up scheduling a c-section so I have a difinitive end in sight. Just another happy post from me.

Beyond...

I'm beyond frustrated and a little angry at this point. I had a doctor visit yesterday and she asked if both babies were head down and I said no - that baby b was breech. And then she asked why I hadn't scheduled my c-section yet?! She went on to say that not all doctors will deliver when one baby is breech and that if I have my hopes on the select few doctors that WILL do it then I'm basically setting myself up for disappointment. What the HELL? Why can't anyone in this practice get their sh*t together? This is "supposed" to be THE ob/gyn practice in the area with the best hospital for maternity care...why can't anyone get it together? I guess I get to talk to yet another doctor about it on Tuesday. I'm just ready for this to be over. I know, I know, EVERYONE keeps telling me, "you spent all that time trying to keep them in and now you want them out??!!!" YES - I want them OUT! I cannot sleep, I cannot eat, I can't really walk around because I start to swell so bad that my feet turn purple and it feels like I'm walking on pins and needles. I want two healthy girls and to never ever see W&B hospital again.

Oh yea--and besides the not eating, sleeping or being able to do much - my mood is in the toilet if you can't tell!!

happy, sad, frustrated.....grrrr

I don't feel much like typing out the whole thing---I will tomorrow. However, I'm not in active labor now. I didn't think that I was. On Monday I was told that I would need a c-section unless baby B flipped to head down. I went into the office to make sure I wasn't in Labor enough where they would want me to have a c-section. Welp - I don't NEED to have a c-section according to the doctor I saw today. I can totally try to deliver vaginally. I'm thrilled about the prospect of trying. However I'm so frustrated that no one tells me the same thing...I'm constantly confused.
On the up side, both babies look great AND I'm officially allowed off of my medicine AND off of bedrest but still told to take it easy and save energy.
I'll post more tomorrow.

Early Labor??

I am showing some signs of early labor last night and now today. It could mean anything from having the babies today to not for a week. We will see. It does seem like things are 'progressing'. I'm showing most of the 'yucky' signs of early labor which with Grace and Evan that meant I have them within 24 hours. Who knows at this point. I just either want it to be "it" or "not". I hate being in limbo which is where I've been for 5 weeks now. Ug. And to make matters a little worse, Matt is working a training day today so he's in NJ! Nice.

worries

My worries about a c-section are numerous. One of which is nursing. From what I've read and heard from other multiple c-section Moms is that it's harder to establish nursing after a c/s because tandem nursing is painful with the incision and you need to try to start that while you're in the hospital because you need the help of the lactation consultants with how to juggle both babies and have them both latch on and stay latched on. Sometimes your milk doesn't come in soon enough after a c/s since a lot of Mom's have the babies early and the milk is delayed which then means you have to supplement with formula in the beginning and that opens up a whole different issue.
Another worry is how am I supposed to care for TWO newborns and the two babies I already have while recovering from the c/s AND from this pregnancy? Even if I had a vaginal delivery I think the recovery would be difficult, my body is in shambles right now. I won't go there.
The last thing is that I want to nurse the girls while I'm in recovery so that the stupid nurses don't give them formula in the nursery while I'm in the recovery room and I don't think that they allow that at W&B hospital.

MFM appointment and disappointment

I'm not much in the mood for talking so this is going to be short and to the point. Baby A (Madeline) is about 5lbs 4oz and Baby B (Leah) is about 5lbs 8oz which are right on for where singletons would be. There has been no growth slow down like most often times happens with twins. They both look really healthy and the MFM doctor said that if they were born today they most likely would go to the regular nursery and need no NICU! We are super pumped about that! The disappointment comes in that for weeks now the babies have both been head down, perfect for a vaginal delivery. Now baby B is head up...really far up in my rib cage far up. The chances of her turning head down are slim to none which means I will have to have a c-section. I am beyond disappointed and pissed. The earliest my OB will schedule me is the 19th. WTF??? I can't even go into what is wrong with this. Maybe tomorrow. I'm just trying to wrap my head around the fact that the recovery from a twin c-section sucks from what people say. There are more issues than with a singleton c-section. Like I said, I won't even get into it right now. Too emotional.

almost 35....

I cannot believe that I'm a day away from being 35 weeks pregnant. I never, ever thought I would make it this far. I'm so proud of myself and of Matt. It's been really hard on both of us. Not to mention how hard it's been on the kids. I can't begin to thank everyone that's helped us over the last 5 weeks, my parents, Debbi and Rob, my Grandmother, Chris and Hannah. I know I wouldn't have lasted this long if it wasn't for them.
I have to say that I'm thrilled to have made it this far but totally ready to be not pregnant. Every day is more and more difficult. I know that there is a lot contributing to this like, this being my 3rd pregnancy, how close my pregnancies have been, that I'm a small person to begin with and carrying this much baby is just getting really hard...also my medicine to stop the contractions is messing with me still. I am getting "morning sickness" issues back, horrible indigestion and reflux... I'm just ready to move on to the next step. I am waiting to see what the doctor tomorrow think about the babies overall health if they were to be born in the next few days. Twins are full term at 36 weeks so that's comforting. I just want them to come if they're ready before Friday night, when Matt goes back on night shift, or wait until the following Tuesday when he's done that shift. As I've said before, I hate it that he's so far away when he's working.

34w5d

I'm so uncomfortable. Since last night I've been cramping and contracting but not enough to call the doctor. I am ready to be done. So ready to be done. I don't think I can take much more of this, physically and emotionally. I'm ready to have a breakdown. I hope that the doctor on Monday gives us encouraging news. I want two big healthy girls and to be told that I can go off of my medicine. I want to be excited about going into labor, not scared to death like I am now. I so much want that moment with the girls right after they're born. I want to be able to hold them both and not have them taken from me to the NICU. It's all still so scary to me and I just want to feel happy and excited. When can I feel that way??